Confessions
by LivandDeanshipper4ever
Summary: Dean Porter has never forgotten about Olivia Benson but has she forgotten about him. Read and see what happens when he runs into her after all this time. Will their feelings ignite again or has Olivia moved on?
1. Chapter 1

It had been exactly six years since he had seen Olivia Benson. Even after six years those chilling words that sprung from her lips still rang in his ears and pounded in his chest. _It's too late_ , y _ou prick! Dean Porter you're under arrest for the murders of Carlos Martinez and Ramona Rodriguez._ Special Agent Dean Porter just stood there-stunned. Those few steps he took turning his back on her leaving her alone almost on the verge of tears still haunts him to this day. He wished he had worded it better but the cardinal rule still stood. Office romance cannot interfere with the job and it did. Porter really believed he and Olivia had a second chance to make it go when their offices teamed up for this recent case. They parted ways amicably but sadly in 2007 after a quick and very physical encounter. Since that October evening he's wanted to pick up the phone so many times and call her, send a text or compile an apologetic email. He also had hoped she would've reached out to him but he knew better. It was going to be him to do the groveling. Whether he was sitting behind his desk, in the car or standing at his kitchen counter with an unopen can of beer or a full glass of wine, one thing was certain…Detective Olivia Benson was never far from his mind.

The FBI had been working on a case for about a month now when Dean Porter was called in. Immediately he knew the location and had hoped to catch her coming or going. The case was a child pornography ring being run out of the dilapidated building, a block away from Olivia's. Agent Porter had been promoted to field operations senior supervisor and had spent three years in the Dallas, Texas and Washington D.C. Bureau before gaining his promotion and being sent back to New York where he over saw New York/New Jersey burrows. He had contemplated retirement many a time. Twenty five years with the bureau and six years with the United States Navy where he served two years as a SEAL made him eligible for a comfortable retirement. At 52 years of age his mind and body had been through a lot. A separated shoulder, two rounds of stitches, a busted jaw and suffering a non-threatening gunshot wound to his right bicep area made him think more and more about not answering to an alarm clock but rather sitting on his front porch sipping coffee, reading the sports page, hunting with his beloved golden retriever in the Adirondacks mountains or enjoying a glass of chianti overlooking the lake at sunset. This was his second home. His city retreat he called it. Dean was hardly ever at his studio bachelor pad in lower Manhattan. He only knew work meant 24/7 but the arthritis throughout his body from the extensive physical demands of his job was evident.

A few blocks from her apartment building, Porter was exiting the bodega with a cup of coffee and a package of Hostess chocolate cupcakes. The man had humongous sweet tooth and as hard as Olivia tried she could never break him of it. The petite elderly woman entering almost knocked his coffee from his hand. "Oh dear excuse me I didn't see you coming out. It's awfully bright today and the glare on the glass, well..." "No worries mam and I agree it's very bright out today. Good day to wear these," Dean told her as he moved past her lowering his Maui Jims over his eyes. The lady smiled and took a few steps into the store before turning around looking at him wondering where she knew him from. Agent Porter was talking to another well-dressed man; he had an ear piece in. A light bulb kind of expression washed over her. She wheeled her basket with her groceries coming closer to Dean and his colleague. "I searched my memory and you know it aint as good as it used to be but aren't you the gentleman that visited the pretty police woman in my building some time ago?" The other agent standing there with Dean lowered his eye wear looking at the woman with a crooked smile on his face. "Lord knows I can't remember her name but she sure was a pretty a young thing. We all felt so safe with her living there then she just one day up and moved away." Dean searched the woman's face not sure if she had early stages of dementia. He shot his subordinate a quick glance. "Oh yes now I remember. Olivia. It's Greek you know, she didn't look Greek though. Well you have a nice day now." As she started past Dean he walked along with her. "The lady, Olivia, she never mentioned where she was moving to?" The old woman pursed her lips and wrinkled her brow. "Now she may have but I don't recollect I ever caught where she was going to." "That's ok mam, thank you." The elderly woman walked off muttering to herself. Porter thought that may explain why he hasn't seen Olivia coming or going and he's been on and off the site with the other agents for the past three days. A radio call alerted the Government men to a playground across town.

Lt. Olivia Benson had just finished the celebratory lunch her colleagues had thrown her. She thanked Lucy for bringing Noah which was a surprise then strapped him into his stroller and said her good byes to all. She and her son had a play date at the park. He made a few phone calls while sitting in his black Lincoln Navigator. The FBI desperately wanted to shut down this operation. A month was too long for this case to continue. The ring leaders were acting smarter than the cops so it came down from he higher ups. Close the case or heads are going to roll. He had just sent the six agents off site and told them he would catch up later. Dean stepped down from his vehicle and walked over to her. "Olivia?" She had just strapped Noah in the swing when she turned to look his way. She had a firm look on her face. "Well this is certainly a surprise what brings you here? She said very matter of fact looking back to Noah, smiling at his excitement of being swung. Dean looked at the toddler then back to Olivia.

"Congratulations, how old is he?" "Thanks, he'll be two soon," she said as she made happy faces at her son retreating back to her. He lifted his head to glance backwards at his mommy. Dean didn't notice a ring on her finger as she continued to push Noah. Her beauty still mesmerized him. By now Noah was curious as to whom this man was standing next to his mother. Dean smiled and waved to him. Noah scrunched up his fingers in his attempt at waving back. Olivia scolded herself for letting her mind go adrift for a second with Porter's rugged good looks…STILL. Snapping back into comfortable territory she was shy of barking at him. "So are you going to tell me why you're here or is that a matter of national security too?" Dean managed to make a small smile at her passive aggressiveness. He raised his eye wear to the top of his head. Maybe this was not a good idea to approach her since he felt she was still harboring ill feelings. "Were closing in on a child pornography ring and thought we had the suspect in view over there. He motioned to the south side of the park. "What? why haven't we heard about this? You mind sharing?" she said perturbed. She slowed down Noah. Just the thought of sleaze bags preying on young kids and latch key kids who too often play at this park made her skin crawl. "How long has the FBI has sat on this?" "About a month," he said. "Look Olivia before you grill me about this will you just hear me out?" "That depends because if it's about what happened in the squad room a few years back I'm not interested. Its water under the bridge as far as I'm concerned." "Olivia wait…please." "Look Dean, I'm used to being kept in the dark when dealing with the Feds." She picked up Noah who was vocal now not wanting to leave. "I will be expecting a call or I'll be calling 26 Federal Plaza." She locked eyes with Dean while buckling Noah in. "There's nobody higher up then me so you're dealing with me now." Olivia let it sink in. "Good- congratulations, then you'll have no problem finding my office." Dean stood with is hands in his pockets very stone faced. Olivia flashed him a half smile as she left.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia watched him shake hands with one of her detectives; Sonny Carissi and a soft parting smile from her other detective, Amanda Rollins. Dean Porter turned and looked through the window towards the Lieutenant's office. They made brief eye contact through the glass. Olivia held up her index finger at him as he entered her office at the same time she listened intently to Chief Dodds on the phone. He looked around her vast office admiring the generous space, thinking he could probably fit his practice putting green in here if it were his office. She came a long way he noted from the strong willed, scrupulous, and incredulous with perps, young detective that he met eight years ago. The six weeks they had spent in Oregon dismantling a radical environmentalist group was a true test of the fittest. Stubborn and sassy were the words he used to describe Detective Olivia Benson to his boss back in New York. By the end of the case he she had grown on him and in a way she never left his mind. He rubbed his chin. He was showered and shaved now from the thirty six hour stake out and his cologne wasn't immune from her senses. He watched the rolling of her eyes, obviously discontent with how the conversation was going. "It was a good take down. Yeah ok Chief I hear you loud and clear. Sorry to cut you short I have some pressing business to take care of, we'll talk soon-bye." Olivia let out a deep sigh and folded her hands on her massive desk. "You leaving?" Dean managed a weak smile. He was tired as all of them were not having slept in the last thirty six hours. SVU and the FBI took down a large child pornography ring that stretched from Massachusetts to Texas. He stiffened a bit then relaxed his legs. "Yeah. There was an awkward moment of silence before he spoke again. I wanted to say good-bye and thank you. We really worked a lot better this time around." Olivia stared at him for a second and curled her lips into a half smile.

"Yeah we did, she said pushing her chair back and coming around to stand within a few feet of him. She didn't work around the around the clock as the team did which was understandable because she had a toddler at home to tend to. He took notice of how her make up still looked like she had just applied it, her hair fell perfectly in place and her smell was addictive. She had joined the team at 5:30 this morning and they finally arrested the last three humps well after most Americans are preparing for bed. She extended her hand and Dean would have in the past had his hand readily available to take hers in his but this time he hesitated and she looked at him. Finally their palms met. His hand was warm, hers was clammy. The electricity wasn't the same as it was before. They both managed a sly smile. "Take care of yourself," Olivia said looking at the butterfly bandage above his eye that required 14 stitches. Dean pivoted to the door. "I'll forward you all my reports Lieutenant." He glanced over his shoulder and gave her a sideways wave while flashing a smile that only she was used to seeing. Olivia watched him as Fin entered the precinct and the two men shared words. Dean gave the detective a nod. "Hey nice working with you guys. You G boys aint too bad this time around."

"And you all weren't such a pain in the ass to work with this time around either." Fin smiled turning to head to his desk as Rollins and Carissi looked on. "What?" He asked looking at both of them. Carissi leaned over the side of Amanda's desk.

"Nothing," his partner said. The trio's eyes turned in the direction of the boss's office when the door closed and the blinds came down abruptly. Amanda gave Sonny a look as Fin looked at them.

"Was there ever something going on with Liv and Agent Porter?" Sonny asked. There was silence.

"Yeah, he and Liv dated awhile back ago, didn't end to well."

"Ahh well that explains a lot," Sonny added.

"Whatchu tryin to say?" Fin asked. He straightened himself and pulled at his tie.

"Uh nuttin, just that Porter had a hard time trying not to look at the Lieutenant the whole case, that's all I'm saying."

"Well don't let your imagination get the best of you. Whatever happened between them…it aint happenin."

"Never say never Fin. My grandmother always said, God rest her soul. No flame is ever extinguished. There's always a chance some breeze will blow back in and ignite it again."

"You watch too many of them shows on Lifetime Amanda." That remark elicited a chuckle from Sonny who in turn got an elbow from Rollins.

"Ow." He rubbed his ribs as Fin shook his head at the two then took his phone from his pocket to answer a call.

Later that evening as Olivia gave Noah his bath she let her thoughts drift back to the case. _It was very warm for October._ _The sweat beaded across his forehead and into the creases on his face. Dean was fifty three years old but didn't look a day over forty_. _For his height, he moved through the small spaces in the root cellar not allowing his age to be an obstacle. Olivia was forty eight and in good shape as well. "You smell that?" he asked her._

" _Smells like dirty diapers," Carissi said. Before Dean could dissipate the group the explosion caught them all off guard. "Lieutenant are you ok?" her detective asked coming to her aid. Yeah," she answered then looked around after the dust and debris settled. "Porter," she called when he didn't surface. Dean where are you?_

" _He's over there Liv," Sonny pointed guiding her to where Dean was with his hand on her back. He groaned from under the crumpled pile of drywall and wood?" Olivia charged to him. He got up slowly with her help from the rubble._

" _Yeah, he said coughing. There was blood dripping from above his eyebrow. Olivia searched frantically for something to wipe the cut with._ _ **"**_ Momma-chip," Noah said showing her his toy boat. "Yes baby that's a ship. Can you say shhhip?" He splashed his boat in the water then looked up and whispered back. "Chhhhip." Noah was two now and some letter sounds for his age were normal. Olivia was not worried. "Mr. Noah the waters getting cool so it's time to get out so mommy can read you a bed time story. Let's put your ship into porter." She blinked and shook her head. "Let's put your ship up here. "Good boy, thank you sweet heart." She grabbed a towel and lifted him out of the tub.

The morning came and Olivia found Amanda fixing a cup of tea. "Morning."

"Hey-morning Lietennant."

"How are you feeling Amanda?" She dunked her teabag.

"I've had better mornings thanks."

"A friend of mine swore by peppermint tea for morning sickness." Rollins pulled out a peppermint stick and began to unwrap it giving her boss a quick smile as she headed over to her desk.

"You taking Noah trick or treating this weekend or is he too young to understand the whole Halloween thing?" Olivia followed her to her desk.

"Well he had a Halloween party at his daycare and he tells me every day since then he wants to be a dinosaur or a minion.

"Go with the dinosaur, he'll be set apart from all the other two million lil boy minions."

"And the other thing is there's not many kids in my building so is it worth it knocking on three doors? I need to move. Give Noah a yard to play in and kids he can play with in the neighborhood."

"Well you could do the store to store trick or treat." Olivia gave her a look then headed into her office. Olivia took Noah to Lucy's sister's neighborhood. She had a four year old nephew who Noah took a liking to. A half hour later and about twenty houses in Olivia was ready to call it a night. She carried Noah. "I think that's enough candy for him. I really don't want him eating too many sweets."

"Sure. We're just gonna finish up down this block." She reached in and gave Noah a hug and kiss. Night night my sweet little lamb, I'll see you on Monday. Good night Liv, drive safe."

"Thanks Lucy see you Monday." She held Noah's hand waving bye bye. She didn't even get onto the expressway before Noah was asleep. After negotiating with a cranky kid and prying him out of his costume and brushing his teeth she finally got him down. A glass of merlot and the couch was just what she needed but she decided to take a bath instead and with her wine. The red liquid coursed through her and the warm water relaxed her as she soaked and let he mind drift off.

 _They sat down allowing their coffees to cool before taking a sip. Olivia looked everywhere but at Porter. "Is something wrong?" he asked._

" _No, its just that I never dreamt that I would ever see you again or be sitting down having a cup of coffee with you after all this time." Dead silence took over and it wasn't until Olivia's phone rang that words were spoken._

" _Lucy hi is anything wrong with Noah?" It was out of the ordinary for Lucy to call during the day so anytime Lucy's name was displayed on her screen sent her into a mini panic._

" _Oh no everything is fine, I just wanted to remind you that I leave early tonight so I didn't want you to forget because I know that you're working a case."_

" _I didn't forget I'll be there by five."_

" _Alright thanks Liv."_

" _Bye now." She set her phone down and looked out the window at the morning mix of tourists and locals and onslaught of taxi's and motorists setting out to work on this warm October morning. Porter never took his eyes off her._

" _You're starring again."_

" _Sorry." He took a sip of his coffee. She noticed he still stirred his coffee with his index finger and not the spoon provided on the saucer. He always had a habit of tasting it before knowing how much sugar to add._ _Olivia_ _remembered once she told him he should take a picture of her because it would last longer. When they dated it always made her feel good that he admired her beauty and paid attention to the smallest of details. The space at their table was not very giving so a wrong reach would make their hands collide. Dean's hands were big and strong and she loved how they once roamed all over body. The places he touched her that would send her body into convulsions. Her eyes traveled up his suit coat and over to his face. She was grateful that his attention was at the front counter now. His face was handsomely chiseled; His eyes were deep and brown, very serious but also very loving. His lips still had that full effect and his roman stature of a nose made him a very attractive man. She looked away fast when his attention returned to their table._

" _I hope it's not going to be a problem but I as you heard, I need to leave to relieve my nanny."_

" _I totally understand-family comes first. Everything ok?" She curled the corners of her mouth upwards-a lazy attempt at a smile. Olivia took a small sip and looked at her watch. "Yeah fine… thanks…the others should be arriving soon."_

 _Dean noticed the time too. "So who does your son look like you or your husband?" The question hit her hard. She thought she would never have to talk about Johnny Drake again._


End file.
